Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
