you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
