Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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