I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
