Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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