It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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