i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
