I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
this hospital has no fireball
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
