I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
