hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
