nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
