im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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