You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
