The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize