so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
