Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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