I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
