Will you blow on my dice?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
