I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
