Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
