Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
