You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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