dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
