I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
40s are totally the cure
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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