my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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