Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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