Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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