Only a mothe r could love this liver
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
