I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
