Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
