my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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