dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
