I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
