Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
