so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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