your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've blown a few things in my day
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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