i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
