i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
