for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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