I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
