Me too!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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