CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
