where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
