If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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