At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
