A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
