You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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