also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
