I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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