Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
