Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
