he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
