Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
