yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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