So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
