so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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