dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
