walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
this hospital has no fireball
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
