i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
