I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
