Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
