I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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