My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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