Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
