She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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