She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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