After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
