hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
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apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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