Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
