come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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