Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
