I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
