She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
