How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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