so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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