If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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