lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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