i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
