My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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