My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
