Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
