I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
