i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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