i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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