Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
