You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
